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Opinion

Why Every Woman Should Use Sex Toys

Feb. 7, 2017

A beginner’s guide to pleasing yourself (or your partner)

Sex toys can make your sex life infinitely more satisfying. In fact, for some women, a vibrator is necessary to orgasm. While these products may seem intimidating for first-time users, they can be great tools to discover new ways to get and give pleasure in the bedroom and explore what satisfies you sexually.

For those in committed relationships, sex toys are a great way to add novelty, excitement and passion. And it doesn’t need to be awkward to introduce them to your partner, either.

Sit down with your significant other and make a “Yes/No/Maybe” list. These lists, which we discuss in our book Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex, are great ways to discuss your limits in the bedroom. The lists include every type of sexual activity, from the PG to the X-rated. You and your partner should each fill out a list separately, indicating what you each want to try out. “Yes” means you definitely want to do it, “no” is a hard limit, and “maybe” means you’d consider giving it a go. Then compare lists to see what you each are interested in doing. These lists can lead to productive conversations about new ways to be intimate — while also making it clear what you’re not game to try.

If you’re single, sex toys provide a great opportunity to learn about your body and what you like in the bedroom. That way, the next time you have a sexual encounter, you’ll feel confident telling your partner how to please you. Though movies make it seem like good lovers are mind readers, most people need direction.

Toys come in all shapes, sizes, colors and even speeds. When you’re deciding what kind of sex toy to try out, it’s most important to consider how you want to use it — Alone? With a partner? — and what kind of stimulation you like. Toys that promise external stimulation target your clitoris, while products designed for internal stimulation hit your G-spot.

Here are some of my recommendations for the best products for beginners.

The We-Vibe SyncBabeland’s best-selling toy for couples — is a vibrator that can be worn during sex with your partner. It’s a C-shaped toy that hits both the clitoris and the G-spot, and it has multiple settings so you can control the amount of pressure to optimize your pleasure. The toy is a great choice for those in long-distance relationships. It connects to an app, so your partner can control the vibrator from across the globe. It’s a great way to stay connected.

If you’re looking for a small, discrete vibe to use during sex with your partner, I’d recommend the Crave Bullet. It’s easy to hold and seamlessly maneuvers between bodies. It’s quiet, and delivers a lot of power for its small size. And, as a plus, it comes in a gorgeous stainless steel or 24k gold.

If you’re flying solo, the Heart vibrator is an affordably priced and aesthetically pleasing toy designed for external stimulation. It can be customized to up to ten speeds. Its heart shape fits the body nicely and it’s got a lot to offer.

The final nightstand essential I’d recommend? A massage candle and personal lubricant. The candle melts down into a warm oil, and it feels simply luxurious when it hits the skin. Lube can make the difference between okay sex and great sex. Always keep it on hand.

Claire Cavanah is the co-founder of Babeland and the co-author of Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex.

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