Sienna Miller has a busy career, but the one person who comes first in her life is her daughter.
The Live by Night star chatted with Allure magazine for its May cover story about 4½-year-old Marlowe with ex Tom Sturridge, emphasizing that the key to making it work between the former couple is routine — and a common goal of prioritizing their child.
“We do bedtime every day,” Miller, 35, says of Sturridge, who lives a few blocks from her and Marlowe in N.Y.C. “We felt like as much togetherness as possible would be ideal, and fortunately we really love each other and are best friends, and so that works.”
The British-American actress clarifies, though: “It’s not that it’s not complicated, because it is.”
Miller shares that she has been cutting back on smoking, admitting that though she still indulges (though not much — she’d had one cigarette in two days at the time of her interview), she didn’t when she was pregnant with or breastfeeding her daughter.
“If it’s about protecting someone else, it’s easy,” she said of whether it was hard to quit. “I don’t see it the same with myself.”
The mother of one is no stranger to the difficult realities of parenthood, either.
“I had an amazing moment the other day where I just heard this ‘Mama!’ from upstairs,” she says. “I said, ‘I’m coming, I’m coming.’ And as I got to the landing I just smelled, like, puke. And she’d thrown up basically off the top bunk, so the splatters were like: Pow! Like all four walls. She had the norovirus or whatever.”
Continues Miller, “And I skidded on the sick and fell. Whacked my head. Then I get her out of the bunk; she’s crying, covered in sick. I take her to the bathroom, take all her clothes off, and then the dog comes up and starts eating the sick.”
“And I get her in the bath and in my bed, and I’m just, like, literally naked, mopping, and crying at midnight. You know, and that’s parenthood,” she says.
“You’re so enriched by it and so fulfilled, but at the same time, I look at these people who just don’t have any responsibility, and it feels like the responsibility is crippling.”
Even the most difficult moments are worth it for the star, though, who says she wants to one day become “that wise, happy granny, with a sort of wrap around my head and a few beads … in Tuscany. Wrinkled and tanned.”
“Kids,” she says of who would be alongside her. “And grandkids. And I’m the matriarch at this palazzo in Tuscany, and I’m cooking and looking after little babies.”
Miller says that though she “would love to” have more kids, she needs “to figure out the other side of it” — and confesses that while she does mourn a little over how her body has changed since motherhood, what that symbolizes for her more than makes up for it.
“I do miss my breasts being where they were. And, yes, I have nipples like fighter pilots’ thumbs,” she jokes. “But I also sort of like that they’re a little ’70s. And that they fed my kid.”
This article originally appeared on People.com